Foundations of Godly Parenting - Perspective

Hello, and welcome to week one of our Foundations of Godly Parenting Teaching Series. We're so excited to have this opportunity to learn and grow together. Here in the North Ministry of the O.C. Church of Christ. We have five core values, which we call the Fab Five and that's Discipleship, Family, Evangelism, Service, and Fun. And as a church we value building the family of God and also building godly families. And that's why we're taking this time to focus in on building godly families in our homes. And so we are excited to learn together, to grow together and to discuss together the foundations of having godly parenting. We believe that this would be a great month of learning and growing together.

Again, we have a parenting packet that we call the Foundations of Godly Parenting. And so we're using that title. And if you want to go ahead and get a digital copy of that, please reach out to us so we can send that to you. Now, let me also say this as we go through these next several weeks, that there are only four classes. There is no way that we can go ahead and touch on every aspect of parenting in exhaustive detail for every stage. That's just not possible. So we will hit on some foundational pieces. And so what we will be talking about here is perspective, principles and practices for the next several weeks.

And today we're going to be talking about perspective and again, we will discuss these practices and these principles that apply to all stages. However, they do look differently in, different stages. So what you do with the fifth five-year-old, you will still do, but not in the same fashion with the 15 year old.

And so we will have other class and teaching series uh, every year. So we will be able to hopefully hit on every topic that is of benefit to me and you. So let's start off with talking about perspective and the thing that we must understand that perspective is key. You know, how you view things will affect and drive your behavior. Will affect your views and attitudes about it. Again, if I come into my marriage thinking, Oh no, this is going to be rough. That will affect me and my feelings when I have an argument or disagreement with my wife, Karina, and it will affect my behavior as well. But if I have a perspective that you know what God is using this circumstance for something good, that would change the way I feel about it.

And will produce some different behavior. And so our perspective is key and Jesus modeled this for us. Let's look at Hebrews chapter 12, verses one and two. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith for the joy set before him, he endured the cross scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Here we see our Lord Jesus. And it says here that for the joy set before him. So his perspective was bigger than the moment in his perspective about the cross enabled him to endure. The crucifixion enabled him to endure the ridicule and everything , that came with this horrible tragic event.

And so again, we see here, Jesus modeling for us here, perspective and how it can influence and alter. And most of all enable us to have great responses and results and our choices and behavior. And so we watch, we must remember that our perspective then about parenting. It could be how we view our role, how we view situations will be paramount in our decisions, our behaviors, and our feelings and throughout the whole experience of parenting.

And so let's talk about the. Main perspective that we want to share with you today. And we will give credit to Gary Thomas who wrote a book called sacred parenting. And so a lot of the things were prompted by the book in sacred parenting. So here we go, the perspective that is vital for you and I to have in order for us to have godly parenting is this parenting is more about God.

And your spiritual formation parenting is more about God than it is you. Parenting is more about God than it is your kids. Parenting is more about God and your parent, mom and dad. Your spiritual formation. Yes. It includes your kids' spiritual formation, but first and foremost, it's about God. And second it's about forming your spiritual character.

Let's look at a couple of scriptures here and we'll explain this a little bit more Genesis chapter one. 

God blessed them and said to them, be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. 

Deuteronomy six verses four through eight. 

Oh, Israel, the Lord, our God, the Lord is one, love the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts, impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up, tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 

What do we see here? A couple of things here from the beginning in sale and sale now, all the way ranging from God's people in Israel, who God's people are disciples of Jesus today is that they're the call to bear children, but then to raise children.

To the glory of guy to have kids, but then to raise kids, to love God and to live, to bring God glory. So that's the what of parenting. And so we have, I do remember that parenting is not about you. Mom. Parenting is not about you, dad alone. Parenting is not about your kids alone. Parenting is about. God and God uses parenting here.

The key here about the perspective God uses parent teams to help us grow in holiness and in the likeness of Christ. Let's look at the scripture. It's not directly about parenting, but it's really about our perspective about all things. And especially when we apply it to parenting second Corinthians chapter seven, verse one, 

Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates, body and spirit perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

Here. We have a call from Paul, the apostle to, to all Christians to do what if the call to action and really it's a call to a struggle if you will, because it's a call to do what you were five or soon. Now we know that the Holy spirit is also part of the sanctification process, but we know in scripture we are to walk in step with the Holy spirit and it calls for us.

And so we have a role in all of this, right. To purify ourselves from everything that can happen, emanate, body and spirit. So anyway, the thing on the outer and on the end, our attitudes, our feelings are character. We need to purify ourselves from all the things that are corrupted, not of God. Then it says perfecting holding it all in this needs to be separate, to be different.

It'd be righteous to be of God. So we're called to purify it. They were called to be Holy. And then why. Because of our reverence for God, because of our Holy respect and fear, admiration, and love for God. If though, again, we are a call to action. And if you think this is a struggle, right. To be purified, to be Holy, but why what's the inspiration?

It's because of our reverence for a guy. And so let's think about this. You're a fabrication in holiness. There are a number of ways this can happen. But the best crucible for this, the best of venue that this can take place in is an parenting. You see parenting, there's all of this for us. It purifies us. It creates an S holiness because of a reverence for a guy.

You see, when you have a perspective, again, we have to understand when you have a perspective about something that gives you a bigger picture, but it allows you to embrace it and make decisions that would be different if your perspective was off. And so let's talk some more here about how parenting each kid's up to.

Be Holy and to be purified. You see when we're parents, we learned the following. How to sacrifice, you know what? You have that baby, you take them home. It is no longer about you. It is a sacrifice until we learn how to sacrifice. We learn how to handle guilt. There's much guilt. They come right. With parenting there's much guilt.

There's much handling of guilt when it comes to helping our kids with their issues as well. We learn how to listen and depend on God through prayer. None of us know what we're doing when it comes to parenting. Most of the time we don't know what we're doing. And so it forces us to get on our knees and be dependent on God to give a strength, God, to do a work despite our failures.

And our insecurity and anxiety at times, it teaches us how to laugh. Parenting teaches us how to agree. There's much grief when it comes to parenting, parenting, teens, how to live courageously, not to live in fear, but to have trust and to live courageously with that trust, it also helps us see our humanity and our need for God.

If you want to be humbled. Be a parent. And so we get a chance to see our need for God.

 I want to share a quote. It says If it was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called labor. And I I just think that's funny because it's so true. If we had, that should have been enough of a warning, right though, that the.

That, that it starts with labor. And that's, if you think about it, the easy part after that, it gets harder. That labor is short-term it's everything else that comes out is, it's a, it's definitely a lifelong commitment. And. You know, we all think we know to some degree what we're getting ourselves into.

We have an idea but we definitely don't know what we're getting ourselves into. We don't know going into parent hood, uh, just how much everything is going to. Awesome. And maybe not just financially but you know, the challenges of Parenthood they start right away. I know when I was pregnant, there was a lot of fear.

There was fear and the pregnancy there was, scared of, the labor and definitely the responsibility of being a parent and being, what do I do? How do I know what to do? What do I do when my child is crying? And then. No, it just, it goes on and on, that's it, there's the physical toil that it takes when you know, when you're you have that infant, but then there's the emotional toil that comes along with it.

You know, there's the guilt. The doubt, the insecurity, all those can definitely have an emotional toil on us, this idea of having a Garvey perspective of having this perspective about uh, about parenting being about God and about our spiritual formation can really help. I know for me, I think if I can embrace that perspective, it's going to change.

How I approach parenting, you know, when I first became a parent, I was, I had no idea that so Naya, Deseret and Dominic were going to help me become more like Jesus. I just didn't that wasn't at the forefront of my mind, but now. Being 10 years into this, I definitely want to grow and having a godly perspective.

And if we can embrace a godly perspective, I think a few things will happen. I think one, it's going to change our approach to parenting. We'll be able to align ourselves more, uh, with the main goal and purpose, it's not just the small day-to-day things that. Matter. It changes, those small day-to-day things to something bigger is it helps us to see the bigger picture.

It's not just about what we're having for dinner tonight. It's about. What's happening spiritually. And as the battle that we're fighting spiritually it's helping us to see how we can glorify God and what all of this means in so many different ways. So, definitely changes our approach to parenting.

I think number two, we can change how we respond to situations. I know there are. Days when I, I feel particularly challenged. Maybe I'm just struggling with anger or disappointment or discouragement, and I have to choose how I'm going to respond. And if I have a godly perspective, I think it's going to help me to respond in a better way.

I think it's going to help me to see the challenges and yeah. In a different way that I can see the challenges and not be discouraged or angry, but I can see how God is forming who I am. And how's, he's helping me to grow in different situations. I can really gain a spiritual insight and grow, and there's so many things that.

In parenting that, help us to see God in a different way, help us to mature in our understanding of God's relationship with us and his people. And it helps us to look at, even others differently. I think it can also help us to become God centered instead of child centered. My, I love my kids and it's so easy to get wrapped up in everything that they do and everything that I want them to be in that I hope for.

And I want to protect them from everything. And so it's easy to be. Child-centered. But having a godly perspective really requires me to be God-centered and it means that I'm going to be focused on different priorities. I'm going to have different priorities. If I am God centered versus child centered, it's no longer about what makes my child happy or what's going to help them succeed in, a particular area.

But it's, what's going to help us all make it to heaven. And lastly, I think being, having a godly perspective is going to help me to be more Holy and to become more like Christ. And that in itself is a big victory. Because that is an ultimate goal that we want. We want to become more like Jesus. We want to make it to heaven.

We want to be set apart. And if I can have this perspective in my parenting, it's. Going to change me from the inside out. 

Thank you. And so again, perspective is key. And so again, how you approach your job tomorrow, how you approach your schooling. If you have a wrong perspective, what would that would, what would that do?

That changes your approach, right? You just got to get your grunt and get through it. And that's not an enjoyable experience or when things go wrong, the whole world is falling apart. Why? Because your perspective is that's the biggest thing. And so again, when we have the galley perspective and the perspective specifically of our parenting is more about God.

And it's about our spiritual formation again, to Corina's points here, we are going to change our approach. And so how I go about this is going to be different. Why? Because I know this is for me, my spiritual formation, and this is going to be opportunity for God to be glorified. And so again, when the tough challenges come, when they don't abate, when they veer from my views and values, when they make poor choices, I can respond differently because I know that, Hey, you know what, there's a bigger.

Bang at play here. And that's God's opportunity for his glory to be seen through my actions, by interactions, my choices, and my decisions to endure, embrace this seed. And also it helps me to respond in a godlike manner. And they began, it helps us to see God in everything. And that's so important if we don't see God in our parenting, then we're going to have a hard time because they are going to disappoint.

They are going to straight in some form or fashion from what we desire and whether they be godly desires or even just. Ambitions that are secular, uh, of wanting to go to a certain college or achieve a certain thing, whatever the case may be, they are going to veer and make their own choices. But if I'm God centered, then again, how I approached them, how to respond to them and my interactions and my feelings will be great.

And again, There's no other Avenue to become more like Christ in Holy then relationships in first, if you're married with your spouse is second in parenting because that dynamic can not be replicated in any other relationship until again, the perspective of this relationship, this position that I am in is for God to be glorified and it's for my spiritual formation.

Yeah, this was different. I never had that perspective going into parenting. I wanted a little mini me. I wanted a little more cell with another mustache. And so, but then when I started having kids and Whoa, he's a lot to handle there. Then if I don't have the right perspective or my perspective doesn't become godly, then I might not be the parent that I want to be there.

He needs to be a multiple that God wants me to be. And so again, we can only understand price in such a profound and deep way. When we have the perspective that did this spiritually forming me to become Holy and like Christ. And it will be an opportunity for God to be glorified. I want to say something real quickly here to all my single parents.

First off, we love you. Single parents. We really do all my single moms and all my single dads. We love you. When I say single parents too, I don't need just a one. That ones that do not have a spouse. We also mean those who are spiritually single. Meaning you're a disciple of Jesus and you have kids, but yet your spouse is not a disciple of Jesus yet.

And I do want to say, keep praying and keep fighting the good fight for your spouse to become a disciple of Jesus. But let me say this real quickly to all the Fingal parents spirits, the single parents as well. And so here's this. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever give into the victim mentality. And what I mean by this is remove victims out of your house, obviously not literally, right?

Hope you don't have any victims in your house literally, but what do we mean here? We have to remove a victim mentality out of our minds and out of our house. Maybe it will never be allowed or penetrate our kids as well. Because if we do have a victim mentality, it will be to your own detriment. It will hurt you and your parenting again, because this is perspective.

This is what perspective here. Okay. This is about spiritual formation and God creates victors, not victims. And so single mom, single dad, I want to encourage you to never ever let a victim mentality. Answer you your soul nor your kids. Again, I'm a product of a single parent. My mom raised me in addition to my grandma as well, and we had hard times that's for sure.

But one thing my mom did, and I'm not sure if she was conscious of this or this just took place by the grace of God, is she never led me to believe that I was a victim or I was less. We never had any moment where it was woe is me. Oh, only if your dad was here. Only if we had this, there was never any comment like that, that I can ever remember.

She never made my dad look bad in a way in which, in a worldly sense, she probably could have, but she chose not to. And so my mom never. Instilled in me that I was less, or that I was a victim of the things around or a victim of not having another parent involved. And so mom and dad, I know that you might feel these things, that man, if we just had this and Oh, and I understand it and I am with you there, but you are a Victor and not a victim.

You in Christ are, have the potential to bring glory to God and have your...